Article extracted from a workshop & book called:
... all following articles, are written as workshop manuscript
... questions were asked to stimulate active participation.
NOTE: If you can't explain where your "believes, standards and values" are coming from, then watch out, they may not be your own!
If you are not aware of this, and if you actually don't know your own believes, standards and values, and where they have come from, then how can you change them?
The answer comes from asking the right questions. Once we are aware of our values, we can choose different reactions, which will lead us to a more responsible and different paths of life. Therefore, with appropriate values, we are in a position to change our social system for the better.
Whatever happens to us in our life, it is of no use to blame anyone or specifically blame our political, social or religious system.
If you do blame, you have succeeded in making yourself into a victim, a powerless situation. Our system is far from being perfect, but it is the only one we have for this moment.
ANY SYSTEM IS BETTER THAN NO SYSTEM
If the system is not working, then you and I, ... people have to change it. If you live in a system you dislike, but don't do anything to change it, then you are not believing in you. If you do believe in you, you may have the strenght and conviction to do something for the better.
Before we investigate the blame issue further, sit down and think about your "believes, standards and values".
Have you ever consciously done that? We all have certain believes, standards and values, but as adults, we should know why we have adopted those convictions. Some people have extremely strong believes, it could be something like; "money is the root of all evil". Usually, people grow up with these types of convictions, that's why it is extremly important to spend time with yourself and find out yours. Misguided or uninformed believes, standards and values can play havoc with your life, and they also may lead to blaming other people or even whole societies, religion or races of not living up to your values.
Blaming, criticising etc., is of no use at all. Don't wait, if you know that you have to change something, other people are also waiting.
People are always waiting for somebody else to "fix it"; those people wait in their victim positions. Don't be a victim. If you are aware that the system or anything around you is not working, then change it, or go to someone who can change it. It is your responsibility as much as anybody else's. It does not need to be a ground braking revolution, change starts at home, in your immediate surrounding, and if you are up to it, spreads out into the wider community. Who knows, you maybe the next prime minister :-). But make sure you are informed and take a holistic overview of a situation before you take action.
Always consider the common good.
Set out to find where you blame something or someone, that mabe helpful in detecting your various victim positions, and this in turn will help you to become aware of your BELIEF SYSTEM, STANDARDS and VALUES.
The most common factor in any victim position is:
blame; blaming somebody, something, the system, those politicians, our parents, our teachers, our partner, our boss, our job, the inflation, the high interest rates and of course, often the most frequent one, BLAMING ONESELF !
The list is endless. It is always easy to blame somebody or something else for our misfortunes, to blame oneself, or sit down and cry "poor me" and still not doing anything.
How many times have you told yourself, "this is not my fault," or "I can't help anything, she/he did it, I couldn't, they wouldn't, etc."
Who do you blame? Your mother in law, the traffic light ,the bad weather, the doctor, the politicians, the business owner for not giving you a job?
Look into your own situation.
Who and what do you blame? Why? What is your excuse? Write it all down. Some of your blaming may even come in handy, in learning how to create new goals for yourself.
Another frequent victim position is STRESS. ( see > stress clinic )
Stress comes in two forms:
The First type, is the one we deal with in the victim position and in that form stress is just a short word for saying: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
I am sure you can recognise the victim-blame position again. Take a moment and think about the stresses in your life.
How did they originate? Work related, relationship, money issues?
Did you caused it yourself, and if so, can you also solve it?
The Second form of stress comes from circumstances you have no control of, like the death of a loved one, disaster situations, etc.. ;
Emotions of grief, loss, sadness, confusion and anger which always follows such situations will be highly stressful. Interestingly enough, all those emotions are more or less designed to help you overcome such a stressfull experiences.
Each emotion in its right place, at the right time and for the right duration is helpful and positive, and turns only into a negative or victim positions if you indulge in that emotion and stay with it. For example; being sad for the rest of your life and blaming your sadness on the person who died, or indulging in self pity.
Still more victim positions to come.
CRITICISING, JUDGING and NAME-CALLING are similar to BLAME and JUSTIFYING.
Excerpt from a workshop & book - published 1993 - titled; "Do you believe in You" www.usenature.com - Dieter Luske ©