Self Help, Do you believe in You? D.Luske, Australia

"Do You Believe in YOU?"©

Second Part

About the Author - Foreword 6 - Introduction 7 - Mind Management 12 - MM- Summary 19

CHAPTER ONE

Accelerated Learning 20 - Summary 25

CHAPTER TWO

VICTIM PRINCIPLE 28

The plural world 34 - List of victim positions 36 - Mistakes 38 - The pro-active-change list 40
Positive language 41 - Questions 45 - Belief systems 46 - The pendulum rule 51 - Affirmation 52
The creative side 57 - The victim principle - Summary 58 - The victim principle-Diagram 61

CHAPTER THREE

EMOTION 62

Unpleasant emotions 63 - Lollipop society 64 - Summary on emotion 69 - Emotions and their functions 71 - Frustration, Disappointment, Sadness, Regret, Guilt Anxiety, Overwhelmed, Hope, Anticipation - Activating emotional choice 87 - Triggering an emotion-Summary 90 - How to keep an emotion or behaviour you want 94 - Anchor 94 - The two ways of anchoring yourself 97 -
Physical association 97 - Mental association 99 - Swish-Technique 99 - Past-Present-Future 101 What you have achieved now 102

CHAPTER FOUR

GOAL SETTING & PURPOSE 103

Goal setting-rules 105 - Anchoring for success 106 - Your future, gain or pain 114 - What you resist will persist 119 - Love and hate 121

CHAPTER FIVE

THE SEVEN STEPS OF SUCCESS 126

APPENDIX ONE

THE ENERGY DIET 130

APPENDIX TWO

COMMUNICATION 155

APPENDIX THREE

NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP) 163

BIBLIOGRAPHY 165

Mistakes

A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn anything
WITHOUT MISTAKES THERE CAN BE NO LEARNING. Actually, without mistakes we would be still living in caves. There would be no invention, as only by making mistakes will we learn how to correct something. So, it's O.K. to make mistakes, go ahead, make a mistake, learn and make a correction. MAKE CORRECTIONS RATHER THAN REPEAT MISTAKES.
A mistake ONCE is just that, a learning mistake, learn and correct.
A mistake TWICE is a reminder for you to wake up! It is a pat on the shoulder-something has happened, and you should take notice. There is something to fix up, something to correct.
So, please, take note, start correcting, don't make the same mistake again. See it as a learning mistake, correct it and go on with your life.
A mistake made THREE TIMES (wow, you better wake up) is called a default response. (stuck in a deep groove)You are not learning anything, you are not listening, you refuse to feel the pats on your shoulder and you are waiting for the "Mack truck" to hit you.
A default response means reacting over and over to the same fact with a mistake response.
A typical victim response. There seems to be no choice. The only way to get out of it is to wake up to yourself. You actually have to force yourself to react with a correction, and EMERGE OUT OF EMERGENCY.
Your belief system is telling you that you can't do it any other way. Luckily, by now you know what "can't" means, and you know who is in charge of your belief system. So, ask yourself, "DO I WANT TO BE A VICTIM?" NO-NO!!!!

EXAMPLE: If you get up in the morning and the only way to get going is to have a cup of coffee, than you have a default response, because you seem to have no choice. You have to apply Rule Number 2, and do something else. In this case simply refuse to have that cup of coffee. As you will notice, that will create a real emergency for you, "help, I neeeeed my coffee." An emergency will stimulate your creative juices. In other words, you force your creativity to come out, think of what else to do and emerge out of your emergency!
You will have to do something else, like having orange juice, or perhaps go for a run, a swim, do yoga, have her tea, a quickie, a new type of breakfast, do affirmations, do anything else BUT drink that coffee.
Sooner or later you will have created a second choice. But to be really flexible in life and have true choices of what and how you like to be in life, you need to know at least three different ways of responding.
Finally be aware that it was your belief system that gave you the illusion that you could not be without your cup of coffee. So change your belief system to something you would rather believe: You can be without your coffee.
Before we go deeper into belief systems let's have a look into a few things we could change to be more flexible and of course to be proactive. Let's call it the proactive-change list, and please add plenty of your own things to change.

PROACTIVE-CHANGE-LIST.

Change your habits:
the way you drive, eat, listen, dress, exercise, correct others, speak, blame, work, play. You name it-change it.
Write a letter instead of ringing or the other way around.
Fix up a broken promise. -
Clean your house and car and let go of clutter, anything you don't need. -
Fix or get rid of anything that doesn't work. -
Return anything borrowed and get back anything lent out and still needed.
Turn the T.V. off, read a book, go for an evening walk. -
Do someone a favour. -
Say thank you for something you normally take for granted. -
Forgive somebody or, better still everybody, use supportive language.
Replace poisons.. coffee, salt, sugar, everything you have too much of; sarcasm, ridicule, prejudice, resentment, revenge, smokes, alcohol, etc. -
Keep a promise, -
Finish a task - Start a task
Be punctual.
Keep agreements.
Reward yourself.
Keep a cheek on what you think.
Throw out negative thought patterns.
Be nice to yourself.
Challenge yourself.
Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Allow yourself to be wrong.
Don't argue.
Find resolutions.
Start a new interest.
Make some new friends.
Do what you love to do.
Do what you always wanted to do.

SPEAK POSITIVELY (which brings us to the next paragraph).

HOW TO SPEAK POSITIVELY

You may think you speak positively already, (and I hope you do, for your own good).
The subconscious mind has a problem with negative language, it simply doesn't understand it-but more of that in a moment.
To actually become aware of how you talk, you have to listen to yourself talk and you can do that with a simple exercise and even better with some help of your friends (correcting you).
Here is what you do:
For one week at least, use only POSITIVE LANGUAGE, which means, NO NEGATIONS at all. Remember negations are everything which negates something, words like, no, not, can't, don't, won't, shouldn't, wouldn't, never, none, etc. in other words,
say what YOU WANT, not what you DON'T WANT.
In fact our subconscious mind can only understand and react to a positive statement. It can't understand a negative message or experience.
For example, try as an experiment, visualising: a cat not chasing a mouse.
Can you do it? It would surprise me. In order for your mind to understand, and compute that message, it creates the visualisation of a cat chasing the mouse and then stops it. This is the reason, that if you tell your child not to spill the milk, the possibility of your child spilling the milk is much higher than if you say, "hold the glass straight." The child, in order to understand the first sentence, would mentally have to spill the milk in order not to do it.
Indeed that is the way most parents talk to their children, and all too often, that which was not supposed to happen, happened, only to hear from the parents, I just told you not to do it.%A$#^$!

Language is extremely powerful. Our subconscious mind takes language literally. Think about it in the future. Think twice before saying such things as: "I am dyiing to go to the beach (please don't die, or rather, please live).
O.K. Now, for one week or longer use only positive language, and LEARN TO SPECIFY WHAT YOU WANT.
nstead of saying, "don't leave your dirty underpants laying around," say: "put your pants into the washing machine." (By the way, negation commands are what people call nagging).
And finally on the subject on positive language- whenever you don't get a message across, change the message! Changing the message, does not mean talking louder, getting angry, using force etc., it simply means, use different words, different contents, use a different angle, until you find the right words for that person to understand. Awareness is the key, as soon as you become aware of not getting your message across, change your message. We will see later how to do that specifically.
More and more, we see, feel and understand that awareness is the key for CHANGE!

BECOMING AWARE: HOW TO

Whatever we can't see, hear, feel or understand, we can't change! Whatever we don't want to see, we can't change either! Often we don't see something, because our mind is programmed in a different way and therefore we have to force ourselves to take a second look.
Where do our preconceived ideas come from? As we said before, from our parents, education system, etc. So, again make sure when you look at anything new or old, that you give yourself a chance, start fresh, get all the details, all the facts.
Don't say "no" to something simply because you don't know it. Have an open mind. Force yourself to listen, free of your own ideas and preconceptions. Once you have all the facts you can make up your mind. Once you have awareness and understand your responsibility, (you are responsible for yourself including your awareness) you can take action.
WITHOUT ACTION NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.
TO TAKE ACTION WE NEED COMMITMENT AND COURAGE.
Courage means to go where it may feel uncomfortable, to get out of your comfort zone, or as you may say: TO LIVE ON THE EDGE! That's where the learning and action takes place.
Stay in your box and nothing will happen. Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone? Feeling uncomfortable is a good feeling, it lets you know that something is happening. You are learning, achieving, bringing on change!
Switching to awareness, learning to be open minded, is the first step out of your box. You need courage to be aware, to have a look at yourself. Are you ready now to have a look at yourself, to become aware?

Belief Systems

The distinction between a fact and your attitude towards that fact is your belief system. Your attitude is coloured in perception by what you believe. There is nothing as strong as a belief.
One story, (I actually can't remember its origins), proves how strongly we can be influenced by our belief system.

Story: a man cleaning a walk-in-fridge, closed the door behind him, and couldn't get out again. He couldn't open the door from the inside. Next morning when somebody found him,
- - - - - - he was dead - frozen dead!
What is the point of this story? The point is, the fridge was not switched on, it was still cold, but not freezing and it had enough oxygen for him to have survived. WHO KILLED THE MAN?
His belief system killed him. He believed he would freeze to death and so he did. His belief system proved him RIGHT - HE WAS DEAD RIGHT.
Like affirmation you can use your belief system to work for or against you.
The man in the fridge made his belief work against him.
How many beliefs have you got, which work against you?
Where are these beliefs coming from? When you believe something is true, you literally go into a state of: "IT IS TRUE, it is a matter of fact."
Handled effectively, beliefs can be the most powerful tool used in creating a most powerful life. Recognising, knowing and believing that you actually can change or create your own belief system is the step to a new life. You simply chuck out beliefs which are stopping you and replace them with beliefs which support you.
Wouldn't it be nice to have yourself on your side, instead of making yourself bad; - helping yourself?
What a powerful partner you could have in yourself! Without beliefs or with limiting beliefs, people can be totally disempowered, probably believing: "I can't do anything right."
Having just changed our awareness, here is another way to change.
With the awareness you now have of your belief system, change your beliefs!
Let go of your self-destructive or self-limiting beliefs, and replace them with beliefs of excellence, beliefs which support you!
Whenever you tell yourself "I can't," you are right! Whenever you tell yourself "I can", you are also right!
It's up to you, what do you like to be, a Victim or a Creator?

Health and belief systems go hand in hand. Usually, of course, the human being has managed to use the belief system more negatively than positively. It works like witchcraft or pointing the bone.

If you believe you are sick, take my word for it, YOU WILL BE SICK!
If you are a trusting person, and believe that your doctor knows best when he tells you that you have three months left to live, you will be dead in three months' time. The good doctor has just put a spell on you. Mind you, what else can he do? He goes by his vast experience and you probably asked him, "give me the facts, Doc." There are numerous cases of people diagnosed as terminally ill, who have turned the corner to recovery. This means a prediction as to how long somebody has left to live, may in fact be highly counterproductive to his or her recovery.
The mind works in interesting and mysterious ways to say the least. For instance, the mind can't tell the difference between something real (a fact), and something unreal, (imagined). We use this knowledge all the time, as this is the reason a belief system actually works. This is also the reason an affirmation or creative visualisation works.
In other words, if you have some worries, a fear about something or even an anxiety, be it real or imagined, your brain will process those thoughts and ideas AS BEING REAL AT ALL TIMES. This is what the basic stress response is all about. You may have heard about the "fight or flight syndrome.' When you are confronted with something scary, your sympathetic nervous system is triggered by this stress response, and releases adrenaline into your bloodstream.
From here on everything is real, you feel that adrenaline rush as it affects all your body systems. It either speeds them up, as in your circulation and blood pressure, or it slows them down, as in your digestive system (which you obviously don't need for fight or flight). So, you end up, loaded with adrenalin, ready to jump, muscles pumped up, but nothing to go for.
These days we seldom fight or flee. We simply sit there and take it whatever it is. (By the way, not fighting or fleeing means, that the adrenalin stays in our system.)
It is wise to get rid of it somehow, either by working out in a gym, going for a run etc., or by relaxation exercises, or much better still, the lot.
Let me come back to the point. You start worrying about something you have imagined, e.g. your partner is late and you see in your mind a car crash, hospital - the works. Your nervous system is going to react, causing you start feeling hot and sweaty, and your heart to pound. All these NOW REAL sensations will make your imagination even worse.
Congratulations, you just entered a vicious cycle. To get out of this cycle in the state you are now in is mighty hard. If you are aware of what you are doing to yourself, you have a sporting chance. You simply turn this around by thinking something positive, constructive or by doing relaxation exercises, or help yourself by concentrating on some task. The basic rule again is, if whatever you are doing is not working, do something else!
The point therefore is: If you worry (think,Imagine) yourself sick, then you can also think yourself healthy (or whatever it is that you want to achieve).
One basic idea I communicate to people with a serious health problem is.
Change as much as you can, lifestyle, diet, belief system, awareness, attitude, emotions. The bigger the change, the bigger the chance to change into something new, where the disease does not exist.
The stronger your positive beliefs are, the stronger the positive reaction will be.
Take control over your belief system, choose wisely!

Write down now:
1) Five beliefs, which have limited you in the past and may limit you right now.

2) Five or more beliefs which will serve and support you now and in the future.

While taking control over your belief system, be aware of where your beliefs have come from, or are still coming from! Do they come from your childhood? From people you talk to? From the media? Or simply from whoever talks the loudest? is it the written word? do you believe everything that you read?
If you want success in life, then choose your beliefs carefully, as the life you get is the result of your beliefs. If you believe in 'making mistakes' rather than having 'learning experiences', you then believe that mistakes are negative and you stop learning for fear of making a mistake.
If you believe that you always have to be right, you therefore need to prove yourself right, (thereby making other people wrong), and thus you prevent yourself from learning opportunities.
If you believe in failure, you would hardly be game to do anything, just in case you may fail, not realising that:
THE ONLY.FAILURE IS THE FAILURE TO PARNCIPATE! GO OUT AND PARNCIPATE!
YOUR REALITY IS THE REALITY YOU CREATE!
If you create positive belief systems, then you have created your own positive reality. I ask you, if you have a choice, why would you choose a lousy one?
GO FOR THE BEST, GO FOR EXCELLENCE!
To wind up the victim-side of the victim principle, here is a little exercise for you.
Once you have finished reading this sentence, close your eyes and visualise yourself walking around your home, hanging up pictures of your loved ones, (as many as you like). DO THAT NOW! (We will discuss this exercise later).

This finishes the victim side of the victim principle. Whenever you notice that you are living on the victim side, you can make up your mind to either stay there or to swing over to the creative side.
By now you know that awareness is everything. Having become aware of your victim position, plus knowing your belief systems, standards and values, will now help you to seek a creative new way of doing whatever you have done before.
Remember, emerge out of emergency. Forcing yourself to stop whatever you are doing will get your creative juices going. If not, don't worry, just remember the 'rule of change,' and simply do something else, it doesn't matter what, just something different will bring already some kind of change.
Before we have a look into the creative side we will look at something else of importance. That something else is a PENDULUM. It is quite neutral, as it basically swings to whatever side is pulling harder. Nevertheless, it has some life of its own. In applying this rule the direction in which the pendulum will swing, will again depend on your own actions or your belief systems.

THE PENDULUM RULE

Have a look at the pendulum. It has two labels.

The first one is: I LOVE MYSELF!

The second one: I ACCEPT MYSELF!

The PENDULUM RULE is:
if you truly love and accept yourself, you will swing towards the creative side and have a swinging good time!
If you don't love yourself or don't even like yourself and can't accept yourself either, you will swing towards the victim side which means you are giving yourself a very hard tirne.
Ask yourself now "do I love and accept rnyselp" ?
Consider this. Everything up to this very second, your whole life is fact. It can not be changed any more. If you get up now and look into a mirror, you will see yourself. What you see is a fact. Please love and accept yourself. Love and accept what you see, feel and tell yourself about yourself.
Accepting a fact for what it is, is the prerequisite for moving on in life. If you can't accept the person you see in the mirror, then you have chosen the victim position, probably the toughest one there is.
Do you want to be a victim? No? O.K. then move on, go and accept yourself, love yourself.
Stand in front of the mirror, preferably naked, look at yourself and say out loud:
"I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF."
As soon as you can do that, life will start to change, (if you let it). Life will become creative, as you are now ready to look into the unknown, do things you haven't done before, get out of your box, make mistakes, make corrections and truly LEARN!
Obviously, your belief systems will play a big part in the question as to whether you love yourself or not. If you have an unsupportive belief system, the chance is that you don't love yourself. This always comes together with a low self- esteem and a generally low self-opinion.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOU?
We discussed before, that to change your belief-system you must choose a supportive belief-system. One excellent way of doing that is by way of affirmation.

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AFFIRMATION

Affirmations are positive messages which, repeated over and over will have a lasting positive affect on your personality.
They can be used for all types of change that you may want to achieve, be it for self-esteem, to love yourself, for your health, success or for skills you would like to achieve.
Affirmations work the same way as the belief system works, the only real difference is that you choose with awareness what it is that you want. You then repeat that message over and over. Remember please, an affirmation definitely works, because the mind and nervous system can't differentiate between a real or an imagined experience. Affirmations, like belief-systems are used most of the time to your detriment. Why?
How often do you repeat a thought over a period of one day or even a week? Are you actually aware that, (more than likely), constantly repeated thoughts are worries and have a negative message? Do you worry?
How often do you repeat thought messages such as: "I can't do it; I never will get enough money; that makes me sick; I don't believe it;" the list goes on and on.
Do you use affirmations? Positive or negative ones?
As with your belief system, you have to become aware of your negative thought patterns (affirmations) before you can change them. Your next exercise will be to become aware of your negative, (especially repetitive) thought patterns and turn them around into a positive affirmations!!
By positive, I mean a statement made without using any negation, this is absolutely vital.
EXAMPLE: Negative thought - I am too frightened to ask for a pay rise.
WRONG positive affirmation - Iam not frightened!
CORRECT positive affirmation - I AM BRAVE!

Create NOW five positive affirmations out of five of your negative thought patterns. Write them down in order of importance, then place the most important affirmation on the top of the list. This affirmation is:
1) I love and accept myself NOW!
The best way to use affirmations is to say them out loud in front of a mirror. Use feelings, say them with meaning and use plenty of repetition. Use phrases such as "day by day, I am getting better and better,' and always use the present tense, such as "I am creative now," and avoid using "I will be creative," as this could mean in twenty years time.
Set some time aside, especially in the morning, and say each of your affirmations twenty times, and the "I love and accept myself' affirmation, a hundred times. If you drive to work, say them out loud in your car, and whenever you have a spare moment, concentrate on your affirmations. The more often you say them, the better they will work.
I can guarantee that affirmations work. Again, it's up to you!

By now you should have a swinging good time, with the pendulum swinging to the creator side and you becoming your own creator of your own realim
NOW COME BACK TO YOUR VISUALISATION TASK!
Did you hang up many pictures, and have you included a picture of yourselp, if you haven't, why not?
Because you don't love yourself?
By the way, how do you treat somebody you don't like or love? Whatever your answer, that will be the way you treat yourself. if you don't like or love yourself, you treat yourself accordingly.
And ... If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to love you?
Please change, you now know how. Remember, there is only one of you, accept and love that one-YOU!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOU? - YOU DO, IF YOU LOVE YOU!
Let's finalise the pendulum chapter.
This may be a good time to reflect on where we started from. I asked you to write down an appreciation list. I hope you have done that little task, now I want you to write a new one.
But before you do that, sit back, relax and picture three people in your life, who you know love you. They could be your parents, partner or lover, anybody, as long as you know, that they love you. Or (instead of love), highly appreciate you, as in the case of a business partner, a boss, a team member etc.

Now, starting with the first person, float out of your body into this person's body, and see for yourself how that person is seeing and experiencing you.
What makes you appealing to that person, how does that person describe you - your looks, your humour, your intelligence, your passions, your strength and weaknesses, your behaviour?
Recognise qualities which were previously unknown or maybe viewed as faults by you. 'Viewing yourself through the eyes of that special person, their thoughts, perceptions and memories of someone who loves you - find yourself to be somebody to love-someone who is appreciated for the simple fact of being yourself.
If you heard everything there was to hear about you- float back into yourself, remembering everything, taking everything worth remembering with you. This knowledge is yours now and will have enriched your appreciation and love about yourself more than ever before.
Over the next few days, repeat that exercise with those other people and enrich your love and appreciation within you even more.
Having done that, now is the time to sit down and write out your second appreciation list and I feel that the second one will be much longer.
WHY ALL THIS HARD WORK?
Appreciation of the self means a high self-esteem.
Having a high self-esteem means that you can allow yourself to be wrong.
YOU CAN BELIEVE IN YOU!
You don't have to prove yourself right any more and therefore you can allow yourself to learn, making mistakes and corrections. That is not the only reason. Having high self-esteem will enrich your life, as you now feel better about yourself in all your normal daily activities.
Here are some more tips for your self-esteem.

ONE MORE EXERCISE IN THIS SESSION:
In this exercise you are allowed to label yourself, just for the reason of proving a point to yourself.With labelling yourself,I mean things like:
"I am a shy person." (Do that now)! O.K-done.
Explanation and Example to: 'I am shy."
A label like this, simply means something you believe about yourself, and one way to change that is with a positive affirmation.
"I am bold," or (simply), 'I love myself."
The second way is to have a closer look at what you actually said. "I am shy," does not actually mean that you are shy all the time, as you are probably not shy when you are with people you love or like. Being shy means, that you have acted shyly in certain situations in your past. Having acted shyly in the past does not mean you have to act shyly in the future.
You can't change the past, but you certainly can do something in the present so you
ACT THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE TO ACT IN THE FUTURE.
You may have had certain reasons for acting shyly in the past. Right now, as you read this book, you are gaining more knowledge, creating new and different resources for yourself, and therefore you are growing by the minute. You were a different person in the past, therefore there may no longer be the need for you to react shyly in situations where you once did.
Determine right now how you would like to react in future situations. Remember you are a different person now, with more resources, and not a victim any more. You also know, that if a situation becomes a little bit uncomfortable, you are likely to learn a great deal more than by just sitting tightly in your box. Think about it, being shy is simply a belief you had about yourself.
Will your belief of being shy be helpful and supportive to you in the future? If not, remember your new resources. Go out, live on the edge, help yourself with affirmations, have courage and remember that the situation has changed. You are now a totally different person from that person you were when you first acted shyly! Change that shy belief into a belief which will support you in the future.
To finalise this last train of thought, now have a look at the label you gave yourself at the beginning of this paragraph, and go through the same thought processes we have just followed with the 'being shy' label.
That's it, we have now arrived at the creative side of our victim-principle diagram. There is not much to write about this side, it is simply creative...

CREATIVE

So, let me just list some of the human qualities you acquire with being positive and creative.
Clarity-fun-love-reward-help-security-support- good health-action-generosity-involvement- inspiration-power-prosperity-freedom-the true you- spirit-commitment--discipline--opened up-learning~--0.k. to be wrong-bravery-being informed-purpose- excitement-recognition-awareness---creativity--etc.
When do we change? We always change now, - tbis instant!
If you are poor today, and you don't change anything today; you can be sure, you will be poor tomorrow.
AND THAT WORKS FOR EVERYTHNG! if you are ready and willing to change, then change now, and new things will happen. To change means to take a step into the darkness. You will not know what is around the next corner, but the only way to find out is to go there. It may feel safer to stay tight, but it means you are stuck, a victim! You can look for other people to change, to make a difference in the world, or you can do it yourself.!
Guess what the vctim position will be!

Dieter Lüske N.D.-D.C.H.-D.M.H.-D.H - Holistic Consultant

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