Chapter Two
Victim Principle
(I would like to change the title to: "The
Creative Principle)
Before you read on, get some paper and write down
what you appreciate about yourself.
Please do that now and take some time thinking about it. It is
very important that you do that.
Do It Now!
One big lesson we all have to learn, (even if we
know it already) is that we are each responsible for ourselves.
Not understanding this fact of life will bring misconceptions,
hardship and the victim position itself.
What is the victim position you ask? It's coming up now!
This session will start making you aware about your own responsibilities
and how you can choose to accept them and work with them.
AS LONG AS YOU ARE A VICTIM, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE
IN YOU!
Throughout life we are confronted with facts. What
are facts?
Facts are: rain, war, peace, a car crash, crime, sunshine, love,
progress, a broken window, a birthday present, a divorce, a wedding,
reading this book, time passing, anything and everything! Facts
have got only one thing in common; once a fact is a fact, it can't
be changed!
A FACT IS A FACT AND THAT'S IT, NO WAY BACK, NO RETURN, NO CHANGE,
THAT'S IT!
We have got three facts right now:
The first fact: "our self -I-." You are the fact.
The second fact: "that we are confronted with facts at
all times."
The third fact: if we can't change a fact-what can we change?
The answer is: WE CAN CHANGE OUR ATTITUDE!
This brings us to one of the basics in mind-management, the ability
to actually CHANGE something in one's mind. In this instance the
attitude!
What kind of mind-management and how much you believe
in you depends entirely on how you react when faced or confronted
with a fact. Facts are happening continuously. The passing of
time is one fact, how do you like getting older by the second?
What is your attitude towards age? Look into the mirror, what
you see is what you get, a fact. Do you like what you see? Your
whole life from the moment you are born right to this very second
is a fact. Can you change it?
Let's look at how we can change our attitude
if confronted with a fact.
The scene: A picnic is planned for Sunday morning. Everything
is ready, all your friends are invited, the food is prepared,
the drinks are on ice, etc. You wake up and it is pouring with
rain, and no sun in sight.
That is a fact; can you change it? Think about this kind of easy
fact for a while; how would you react? What would you do? What
kind of reaction would this fact bring out in you? There are basically
two types of reactions to choose from.
The first one could be; what a#@$*&0/o@$+)*A%#%#@, lousy
day! That's it! I hate it! This always happens to me! No picnic-why
me? I knew that would happen! Stuff this! etc.
The second one; it's raining, that is certainly good for
my plants, looks like a great day for a indoor party, etc.
The fact of course is quite simple: it is
not a lousy day it is not a good day either, it is a rainy
day, and that is it. You may as well enjoy it. The rest is
all attitude.
From now on, we will call the first reaction the VICTIM REACTION
and the second reaction the CREATOR REACTION, and guess which
one we will use in mind- management? It will not be the victim
one, you can be sure of that!
As you may know, or may have guessed, (or are going to find out),
we are very good victims already-most of us, most of the time!
We certainly don't have to learn more about how to become a victim.
To manage our minds we have to learn to be aware and to recognise
our victim positions, and then to change our attitudes to a creative
position. We also have to be aware that it is our responsibility
to choose the CREATOR REACTION and therefore choose to live a
life of truly understanding responsibility.
You would know, that there will always be facts in your life which
you definitely do not like. Does it come to you as a surprise,
that 90% of people are constantly victims, and some without knowing
it, or even choosing it?
WHY WOULD ANYBODY CHOOSE TO BE A VICTIM?
Because it seems easier to deal with problems and a lifestyle
you know, than it is to CHANGE and face something you don't know.
Choosing mind-management means choosing the creative line of thinking.
Falling back into the traps of the victim line of thinking, may
mean a further loss of self-esteem and self worth, making you
even more of a victim. Are you still interested in mind management
and choosing reactions which are creative?
- Could
it mean you have to change your attitude?
- Could
it mean a bit of hard work and some confrontation with yourself
- Are you
willing to change?
Let's look now in detail into the victim line of
thinking and let's SEE, HEAR and FEEL, how much this is part of
us. You may not even want to know all your victim positions, but
that is your own responsibility.
For any CHANGE to manifest itself, YOU have to be
aware of what to change first. You do that by asking questions
of yourself. You are more likely to answer truthfully to yourself
than to any other person, so please, don't fool yourself. Throughout
this book I will ask you certain questions, and these questions
will help you to call thoughts into your awareness, which you
may not have had before. This will be your "homework', and naturally
it is up to you to do it ,or not to do it. I am not standing behind
you with a big stick.
You may want to list these questions separately, as some will
be appropriate for you and some may not. Funnily enough, reading
this book a second time, may bring out other appropriate questions
for yourself.
Here comes, one of the major questions. Others may be hidden in
the text:
"DO I WANT TO BE A VICTIM?"
If "NO," then change your attitude and change it
NOW!
"THE POWER IS IN THE PRESENT"
What does this mean, the power is in the present?
It means action, - action NOW! We may have good intentions, good
ideas and so on, but unless we put them into action we remain
powerless. The point of change has to be now, as this is where
the power is.
You have no power over the past and no power over the future.
You may think you have power over the future, however the fact
is that you never can determine or predict what will happen.
THE ONLY POWER YOU HAVE IS "NOW".
If you don't change now, you are more or less with
the same circumstances tomorrow, that you are with today.
If you are poor today, unless you change something right now,
you will be poor tomorrow.
WHEN DO YOU CHANGE? -NOW- !
Everybody is born perfect, and everybody basically
wants the same thing, which is:
LOVE, -TO BE LOVED AND TO LOVE SOMEBODY!
There is nothing wrong with YOU or other people. We are all perfect,
but we have been contaminated with thought pollution. Most of
that thought contamination came from our childhood and our basic
data-line education. We grow up with the rule: "do as you are
told." Most information we take in as a child, we take it in as
truth without having the ability to check it out. A lot of our
so called truths came about through misunderstandings and by taking
on values of our parents, families, teachers, cultures, religions
and ideologies.
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BELIEF SYSTEMS, STANDARDS AND VALUES!
If you can't explain where your belief system,
standards and values are coming from,
then watch out, they may not be your own.
If you are not aware of this and if you actually
don't know your own beliefs, standards and values, then how can
you change them?
The answer comes from asking the right questions. Once we are
aware of our values, we can choose different reactions, which
will lead us to more responsible and different paths of life.
Therefore, with the right values, we are in a position to change
our social system for the better. Whatever happens to us in life,
it is of no use to blame this system. If you do, you have found
your first victim position.
Our system is far from being perfect, but it is the only one we
have at the moment.
ANY SYSTEM IS BETTER THAN NO SYSTEM
If the system is not working, then you and I, the
people have to change it. If you live in a system you dislike,
but don't do anything to change, then you can't believe in you.
This would be hypocritical wouldn't it?
BLAME!
Blaming, criticising etc., is of no use at all.
Don't wait if you know you have to change something, other people
are also waiting. People are always waiting for somebody else
to "fix it"; these people wait in their victim positions.
Don't be a victim. If you are aware that the system is not working
then change it, or go to somebody who can change it. It is your
responsibility as much as anybody else's.
You will now set out to find your various victim
positions, this will help you to become aware of your BELIEF SYSTEM,
STANDARDS and VALUES.
The most common factor in any victim position is:
blame; blaming somebody, something, the system, those politicians,
our parents, our teachers, our partner, our boss, our job, the
inflation, the high interest rates and of course one really big
one is:
BLAMING ONESELF.
The list is endless. It is always easy to blame
somebody or something else for our misfortunes, to blame oneself,
or sit down and cry "poor me" and still not do anything. How many
times have you told yourself, "this is not my fault," or
"I can't help anything, she/he did it, I couldn't, they wouldn't,
etc."
QUESTION TIME:
Who do you blame? Your mother in law, the traffic light,
the doctor, the politicians, the gallery director for not taking
your painting?
Look into your own situation.
Who and what do you blame? Why? What is your excuse? Write it
all down. Some of your blaming may even come in handy, in learning
how to create new goals for yourself.
Another frequent victim position is STRESS.
Stress comes in two forms.
The first is the one we deal with in the victim position
and in that form stress is just a short word for saying: IT'S
NOT MY FAULT!
I am sure you can recognise the victim-blame position again. Take
a moment and think about the stress in your life.
How did it originate? Did you cause it yourself. If you did, can
you also solve it?
The second form of stress comes from circumstances you
have no control of, like the death of a loved one. Emotions of
grief, loss, sadness, confusion and anger which always follows
in such situations will be highly stressful. Interestingly enough,
all those emotions are more or less designed to help you overcome
such an experience.
Each emotion in its right place, at the right time and for
the right duration is helpful and positive, and turns only
into a victim position if you indulge in one emotion and stay
with it. For example; being sad for the rest of your life and
blaming your sadness on the person who died, or indulging in self
pity.
Still more victim positions to come.
CRITICISING, JUDGING and NAME-CALLING are similar
to BLAME and JUSTIFYING.
Uploaded;28.04.2001 - ©