Why me

On the last weekend of January, I was told that the year 2008 will be one of endings for me.

At the time, all I could think about was that I was finally going to get to say goodbye to my job and get on with my spiritual work. But that, it seemed, was only a part of the whole.

For within a span of just nine days immediately after that, I had to bid farewell to two very special beings who have been a part of my life for the 18-and-a-half years that Brian and I have been married.

Our brother-in-law Royce, after battling cancer for almost two years, passed away on Jan 27.

When we went to see him at the hospice just a few days before, the man lying on the bed was a shell of the shell that he had been when we saw him at his home just a month ago.

Weak and barely able to speak or move, he still garnered the strength to call out a greeting the moment we walked into his room. And for the next 15 minutes while we visited, he fought exhaustion and struggled to stay awake so he could “keep us company.”

It was clear that within that fragile shell, the bright, fierce flame of his spirit still burned strong, and I was warmed by it.

That night, I had a dream.

I was just outside Royce’s hospice room, and I saw him, in the same pyjamas that he’d been wearing earlier, sit up, get off his bed and walk out of the room.

Hey Royce, you can walk! I remember saying in wonder.

He glanced at me but did not respond. Then he went past me, turned left and walked out of the hospice, into bright light.

Three days later, his soul did just that.

Less than a week after his funeral, our beloved pet cat Hepburn passed on. She would have been 18 years old in June, and losing her was like losing a child.

Then on Valentine's Day, a former colleague died of bone cancer. She was 37.

So here I am. Not even past the month of February, and already three lives have come to an end. If this is what it means by “a year of endings”, then it certainly looks like I’m in for a dismal time

But I know it does not.

For I believe that an eternal God, who is without beginning and without end, created the world, and much of how the universe works reflects its Maker. From the seasons to the sun’s and moon’s orbiting of the planet Earth, everything works in cycles. And cycles are circles, without beginning and without end.

So I mourn the passing of Royce, Hep and Angela. But I also celebrate the knowledge that their souls live on. And I rejoice in the fact that the joy, the beauty and the wisdom that they brought into the lives of those who knew and loved them will neither be forgotten nor lost.

The passing of someone whom others have looked up to, depended on, worried about or always had to take care of, also leads to new experiences for those left behind – whether it is learning to stand on their own two feet, or learning to give themselves and their own needs priority, for a change. 

I have learned, from personal experience, that every goodbye that's forced upon us will, somehow, be followed by a hello. To new people, new experiences, new lessons.

In nearly all the years that we’ve been married, Brian and I have lived in a home filled with cats, dogs and, later, our son. And it is a home filled with love and joy.

Many of our pets, like Hep, have been with us for well over a decade. Others took sanctuary with us for a few days or months before passing on. Each one that we have had the privilege of knowing taught us about unconditional love, and to respect the magnificence of God’s creatures.

And every time one animal leaves, another finds its way to our door and into our hearts.
A few days after Hep's passing, a young ginger tom ran right up to Brian from seemingly nowhere one night and introduced himself loudly. He ended up coming home with us and now, 10 days later, he's had his shots, been neutered, and is one of the family. We believe Hep told Toby that there was room in our home, if he wanted.

So amid the sadness of losing Hep, we have been blessed with the joy of getting to know and care for another young cat that wants to have a home and be loved.

I don’t know what else lies ahead for me this year. I only know that it will inevitably end with me doing what I am meant to do.

For me, it is enough to know that when the time is right, God will open a door and tell me it’s time to say goodbye to a 25-year career and hello to the new job that I’ve agreed to take on for Him.

I will be sad to leave my comfort zone. It will be scary to strike out into the unknown at the age of 47. Yet there will also be the thrill and excitement of starting afresh, of meeting different people and making new friends. And I know the frustrations of unfamiliar obstacles will be rewarded with the satisfaction of overcoming them, and the pain of making mistakes will be followed by the joy of learning from them.

 

17 Nov 2010

Angels and Light Profile | Email | Website Angel Intuitive and Spiritual Healer. Writings Of The Heart And Soul. Spiritual Workshops and Products Brisbane Brisbane QLD Australia 4000 e-mail please