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You Are More than what You Hold Onto

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Article by Hally Rhiannon-Nammu

Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to move forward, seriously move forward. Sometimes in this step reflection on things we tend to avoid can help us establish a broader view; a broader perspective providing us the tools to take it further and further...

One thing we all avoid but are all too familiar with is Pain... Let's look at giving yourself permission to live without pain.

Consider this:

Pain… we all have it or experienced it on some level. It isn’t one of those emotions that we look forward to and more often than not we try to avoid it at all cost, consciously. There are many layers to what defines pain and how this actually affects us, individually, how we relate to others and even how we perceive situations. The way that most of us work is that we would prefer the pain we know over doing something that is unknown due to the fear of more pain.


The pain we most fear is not the physical as this is something tangible and to a degree can be controlled. We have accidents however tend to recover well under the appropriate conditions. This kind of pain is not the one we have an embedded fear of.


Another level of pain is the emotional pain. It is the one that can’t be seen; none of the scars are actually visible and yet it can run deep into our soul and last for years and years. It can be created through rejection, traumatic events, loss or death of someone we care about to betrayal. No doubt there are a myriad of other triggers and no one is better than another as the way each of us perceive the pain is relevant to the meaning that we attach.


As such, a death of someone we love does not lessen if it was an animal because the level of meaning and love attached can be similar. To the outside world, however, it can seem bizarre; though to another of the same connection will feel the same. This is also relevant to betrayal. The betrayal of a lover is not better or worse than the betrayal of a sister or family member. The severity is determined by the individual.


Whilst the instances are unique to each of us, we equally can comprehend the intensity of what pain is and how we prefer a life without it.


As a society we even have a certain period that we deem acceptable to grieve or have pain and after this time one should be “over it” or “let it go”. However, because of the level of connection, no one can dictate what is right or wrong as some will need a month and others will need a couple of years. It doesn’t make one better than another; it is just different.


I wonder how many of us still hold onto pain from past experiences that we no longer express because of what is deemed acceptable and yet, struggle at times when we are alone or in a moment of clarity because this pain still feels raw.


There is a saying that “time heals all wounds”, however when the wound runs to the depth of your soul does it ever heal? I don’t believe that time heals wounds; I believe that time allows you to accept what has happened and you learn to live with it. The pain only seems to dissipate because it becomes buried underneath life happening. You actually decide when you are ready to heal. This can happen consciously, though mostly on an unconscious level. It is as though one day you feel lighter, freer but don’t really know why.


Sometimes we decide to hold onto the pain because it symbolizes what we went through irrelevant of the fact that it doesn’t do us any good and actually hinders our ability to move forward. We are convinced that this is the only choice.


The fact is letting go of the pain does not let go of the situation or the event. It does not diminish the significance that it had to us in our lives, it merely allows us to let go of the torture and embrace the situation in its true essence – a memory, a lesson, a moment of relevance to who we are.


You are more than the pain that you hold onto.


As the saying goes “what you focus on is what you get” so if you believe that an event will cause pain; the unknown will cause pain; it is actually being created within your unconscious mind before anything has even happened. As evidence that you were right how many times did it come to fruition?


When you are faced with the unknown, such as tomorrow, next week, an opportunity that cannot be controlled yet is exciting and holds elements of impossibility – embrace it for what it is. You may be surprised that when you allow yourself to take the unknown for what it is – out of your control – you open yourself to so much more than the pain you know; you open yourself to the unlimited potential of success and fulfillment.


We all know pain very well and life has enough ups and downs without us adding more.

Give yourself the permission to embrace the possibility that the unknown may very well make you happy.

4 May 2010

Article/Information supplied by Hally Rhiannon-Nammu

Disclaimer - Any general advice given in any article should not be relied upon and should not be taken as a substitute for visiting a qualified medical Doctor.