Article by Donald Marmara

Please Do Not Confuse Performance With Self-Esteem!!

Think of someone you love. Will you love them less if they perform badly, or more if they perform well?

Surely people who really care about you will value you just as much if you fail as if you succeed?  Of course they want you to succeed, and they may well be disappointed if you don’t – just as you would be – but they care about you and value you just as much either way.

Do you think that’s obvious?  Or do you find it hard to believe?

Some people feel devastated when they do not achieve their goals. They confuse self-worth with performance , so they feel worthless if they do not perform well. They may even become seriously depressed and in some rare cases suicidal if they do not get the results they’re after.

Even practitioners sometimes confuse self-worth with performance. Some people talk of helping others perform better as a means of building their self-esteem. Whilst of course it’s valuable to help someone improve their performance, please do not confuse this with building self-esteem.

A person with healthy self-esteem still feels disappointed when they fail and pleased when they succeed, but these feelings do not take over their lives. They feel pleased or disappointed, but they still value themselves and feel equally worthy of love and respect regardless of their performance.

Their self-esteem is based on who they are not on how well they perform.

If you are a parent and have offered your son or daughter a reward for getting desired results, would you consider rewarding them unconditionally, just because you love them?

Donald Marmara   www.coredevelopment.com.au                                                                                                                                       

Core Development                                                                                                                                        Ph: 02 9413 9794

26 Oct 2010

Last Update: 27 Oct 2010

Article/Information supplied by Donald Marmara

Disclaimer - Any general advice given in any article should not be relied upon and should not be taken as a substitute for visiting a qualified medical Doctor.

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