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A Matter of Trust

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Article by Reea Pawley

Trust is an issue that often comes up in coaching. We all want to feel that we can trust the people who are closest to us. Trust them not to hurt and betray us, trust them to be honest with us....trust that our spouse will not break our heart and engage in infedelity. For many people not being able to trust is a deal breaker.

Like most complex issues in life how we feel is largely determined by our past experiences or the experiences of those closest to us. If we have never been betrayed, lied to, hurt or let down we may not be reactive and we may feel that trust isn't such a big deal. When we haven't had negative experiences we can be fairly trusting. And it's amazing how naive we can be when we are gazing at the world through the rose coloured glasses of romantic love.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour and for this reason people often withdraw their trust until it is earned all over again. How long does it take to re-earn trust? Does it ever happen?

The older I get the more I understand just how very complex this issue is. People often say to me that they will never trust their spouse again after a betrayal and then they are on to the next partner who they implicitly trust simply because they don't know otherwise. Of course that next person they are with could have betrayed their ex-partner, sometimes even with the current partner! And here the 'it will never happen to me' belief is often applied.

When your happiness depends on trusting anyone else other than yourself then you have no control over what happens to you and your happiness is reliant on the choices that someone else makes. The only solution to the trust issue is to put your trust in yourself. When you trust yourself you are trusting someone that has your best interests at heart. You can make a decision to always be there for yourself no matter what life brings.

Life experience can teach you that you always have the ability to respond to any situation and the longer you live the more resources you acquire along the way. Resources are essential to dealing with some of the unexpected events that can occur in your life. Imagine trusting yourself to always know what to do, to always put yourself and your own well-being first, to always treat yourself with kindness and compassion, to always nurture and love yourself.

Learning to trust yourself is the only sane approach to the issue of trust. It is nice to feel that we can trust those we love but when you hold no expectations and accept whatever life brings and you don't take it personally, life becomes a lot simpler.

By Reea Pawley

23 Jun 2014

Article/Information supplied by Reea Pawley

Disclaimer - Any general advice given in any article should not be relied upon and should not be taken as a substitute for visiting a qualified medical Doctor.

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